How to Distinguish Freeways from Bathrooms

Dear Psycho-Teal-Daewoo Lanes-Hatchback-Driving-Blonde Chick,

I wanted to give you a few pointers to help you distinguish the freeway from your bathroom (where normal people get ready in the mornings). In most cases, bathrooms don't have asphalt with painted lines on the floors. Bathrooms also don't have concrete dividers (which you almost had an intimate encounter with this morning). In most bathrooms, people usually aren't going 50 mph while putting makeup on and doing their hair.
Did you know that bathrooms usually have larger mirrors than that pesky tiny mirror hanging in your car? You also won't get distracted by all those cars when looking at yourself in the mirror when you're in a bathroom. Bathrooms don't have potholes either! From one female to another, your makeup will go on much more smoothly here because of that.

I just wanted to point these things out to you since you seemed to have trouble figuring it out. I'm glad that you were able to look good and save time-even if you did almost cause an enormous pile-up on eastbound 92 this morning. You rock.

Sincerely,
The Always Helpful and (thankfully) Great Averter of Disaster.