Stop and Go Arizona Driving School

Hummer Woman who almost ran me over

You know, I live in Midtown, and always have, which means I like to ride my bike alot by definition. Its a true live/work little community we have down here, unfortunately its been recently discovered by the likes of you. And has become a haven for Sushi restaruants and Hair Salons, its cool at least you havent decided to move here yet, visitings always welcomed though

I dont mind that your a well heeled good looking young woman, or that you drive some humongously wasteful Humvee, hell I drove one in the Army, they can be fun. I respect your decision as an American to pollute the Air, cause global warming, and theres guys dying for that right even as I type that. I'm not some radical downtowner, you know I'm home sick today, from my really good professional job that I love. Believe it or not guys with MBA's do occassionally ride nice, if somewhat dated, mountainbikes. I'm sure one of your many ex-husbands can confirm this. Thats what all these little "bike lanes" in midtown are for, seriously I know you might have thought they were just there to inconvieniance you, because the roads in Rocklin are so much more accomidating. But they do actually serve a purpose.

What I do mind is when you use the bike lane as a passing lane, to blow through a red light. Please try peeling that cell phone off your FUCKING EAR for like 1 second and realize thats a 6 ton vehicle your driving badly where pedestrians and cyclists frequently cross the road.

I briefly saw you as your Hummer came barreling toward me, causing me to actually run into a parked car to avoid being flattened. You seemed rather busy, looking at your hands, and in the mirror, perhaps you were admiring the new hair and nail job you'd just gotten. And to your bright little mind Im sure it was important. It might have been the only thought you'd had all day, I bet that makes you feel special

I think spending time with my 4 year old daughter is kind of important also, Id like to spend more time with her in the future. Thank you for reminding me that near death experiances can prevent this from happening, I'll make sure to remember this next weekend when I see her

Oh and dont worry, I got the message when as you ran that red light, you honked at me and gave me the finger. I'll try to stay out of your way next time.....

Tucson Driving from Downtown to 4th Ave

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Driving in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

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Get back at a rude taxi driver

These aren't even close, but fun to read.

Don't do what I did- I was so angry with this unbelievably rude driver once, that I slammed the door really hard after paying him. He chased after me in his taxi! It was really scary. Don't risk it!

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Taxi tips

Hailing a cab: Stand at the curb and hold arm straight up and straight out.

Speak-up and speak clearly to the driver: It is difficult to hear you through the plexi-glass partition and above the traffic noise.

Fasten your seatbelts.

No smoking. It's the Law and you can be ticketed if stopped by the police.

The meter should click-over approximately every 4 or 5 blocks - faster than that is illegal.

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Pet Peeve #31

Why do some fares try to make themselves feel better about being a scrub? I get this guy, ask him where he is going. He tells me, and says...
"It usually costs around $10, but all I have is $8."
Now, I give a grunt and whatnot. The guy launches into this explaination about -
"Well, atleast I was honest." Bs, yadda, yadda.
I give him a
"fine."
But he just won't let it go. Explaining all about his life difficulties and how he should be rewarded for being so honest and forthright.
GEEZUS!
If you are a scrub, just admit it and play upon the goodwill of others...

Psycho Cab Driver

Tucson driving etiquette

I am a taxi driver and conduct myself in a professional manner at all times but I certainly understand road rage.

I expect the worst from Tucson drivers and I am rarely disappointed. I do have a few pointed observations.

If people are honking, flashing their lights and shaking their fists at you perhaps you should reevaluate some of your driving habits.

Here are a few pointers.

When sitting at a red light please don’t redo your makeup, read a newspaper, change your clothes, masturbate, give head to your passenger, allow your passenger to give YOU head or begin distracting activities that may cause you to be otherwise occupied when the light turns green.

When the light actually turns green there shouldn’t be a deliberative process necessary before you STEP ON THE GAS.

The roads are overcrowded as it is and all it takes is a couple of retards sitting and staring at a green light for 15 or 20 seconds to start a chain reaction behind them that leads to what we call VOLUME SLOWING.

If you are in the left lane and you want to drive at a leisurely pace, I understand. GET IN THE RIGHT LANE. This is the lane for slower traffic.

If you are driving in the left lane and you are dead even with the guy in the right lane, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.

There are people behind you with appointments to keep, jobs to go to or who may have an urgent need to use the bathroom. Please move to the right and let them get about their business.

I don’t know how many times I’ve had to sit and listen to my fare grind his or her teeth because there are three flaming A-holes side by side leisurely driving down the road 5 or 10 miles below the speed limit.

MERGE RIGHT ASS HAT! My meter is running and you are COSTING MY PASSENGER MONEY.

Some of the people passing you may exceed the speed limit in doing so.

This is perfectly legal but even if it wasn’t please remember, YOU ARE NOT A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. We have paid professionals who are perfectly capable of enforcing the law and YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM.

By intentionally slowing traffic you ARE BREAKING THE LAW and may be ticketed for this violation.

If you are in the right lane and someone in the left lane is signaling to get over LET UP ON THE GAS. I don’t know how many times I have put on my signal for thirty or forty seconds and tried to merge right only to experience a blaring horn and upraised finger from some retard who has been pacing me in my blind spot for the last mile or two.

Just for the record, this is why so many people fail to signal turns and “cut you off”. They know that as soon as you see the turn signal you will probably sit your passive aggressive ass directly in the way and stay there for as long as possible.

About being “cut off”. The only people who are “cut off” are those who REFUSE TO YIELD. You do not own the road and must share it with about a million other drivers. Get good with this fact or move out to Busted Dick Arizona where your driving won’t raise eyebrows and tempers.

There are other distractions that interfere with the flow of traffic that you should learn to deal with in a mature and proactive fashion like accidents.

Accidents happen but unless you are a medical professional who is slowing down in order to stop and render aid KEEP MOVING.

I’m not advocating blasting through police diversions at 60 miles an hour but there is no need to slow down to a crawl when passing an accident,

RUBBERNECK’S CAUSE ADDITIONAL ACCIDENTS so if you and your voyeur family don’t want to become a part of the roadside tragedy you are gaping at, GET A MOVE ON.

The same goes for other roadside diversions including break downs, pretty girls getting ticketed, accidents on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET, emergency vehicles going in the opposite direction on a divided road and related events,

Clearly if you’ve just polished off a 12 pack you should be riding with me.

We all have cell phones nowadays. If you have one, get a headset, you need both hands to drive.

If you’re having an argument with your sweetie, PULL OVER and finish it in a parking lot instead of the middle of an intersection.

In conclusion. I don’t care what kind of self-absorbed butt nugget you are in the rest of your life please remember that you are piloting a couple of tons of metal glass and plastic around the road.

Try to rise above your vile self just long enough to get from A to B without pissing every other driver on earth off and we’ll all be a lot happier and some of us may live a little longer.

Thank you in advance for your fine cooperation.

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Driving Tips

Expect the other drivers to make mistakes and think what you would do if a mistake does happen. For example, do not assume that a vehicle coming to a stop sign is going to stop. Be ready to react if it does not stop. Never cause an accident on purpose, even if a pedestrian or another vehicle fails to give you the right-of-way.

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Tucson driving tips

Driving around Tucson I must admit that I didn't have a lot of problems with finding a parking lot for my car. Surely it's not so easy to find a free parking in a downtown (there are parkometers with limited parking time at daytime in business days), but there are a lot of parkings around Tucson Convention Center.

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Taxi Cab Confessions in South Lake Tahoe

taxi cab story

I have a taxi story, although not from the driver's perspective. It was early one morning a couple years ago on Long Island. Having spent the night at my in-laws' house, I needed to get to the LIRR station to get to work in Midtown. I Called the local cab company who dispatched a driver whose name I would later learn was Mel.

Mel pulled up, grunted in response my good morning as I got in the cab, and we headed off in the direction of the train station. About four minutes into the trip, we made a left turn off a busy commercial strip onto a somewhat less busy street. Just as we made the turn, Mel sort of sighed and let his foot off the gas. I could feel the cab slow down slightly but it was still going about 25-30 mph. I thought at first that perhaps it was experiencing engine problems and Mel's sigh was a sign of disgust. Within about a second though it became apparent that it was Mel and not the cab that was having "engine trouble." Mel started making these guttural snoring sounds and had slumped over against the driver side door.

Meanwhile the cab is continuing down the street at a steady clip as I am trying to rouse Mel from the back seat. I was thinking to myself that only I could end up with a narcoleptic cab driver. Luckily this was not a NYC taxi with the plexi-glass partition and I was able to lean over into the front and at least steer the cab to avoid hitting oncoming traffic. I tried to throw the gear shift into park which did not slow the cab down at all, despite the grinding of the gears that resulted. So, here I am proceeding down the street, steering the cab from the back seat with Mel slumped over in the front seat and wondering what the hell to do. I see that we are approaching a five-way intersection up ahead and I start to panic a bit. Not knowing what else to do, I steer the cab into the parking lot of a library, which is empty since its only about 7:15 a.m. Turning the cab into the lot didn't seem to slow it down much and I still needed to get the thing to stop so I steered it up onto the grass and into a stockade fence. This stopped the cab with some damage to the fence. Still in shock a bit from trying to process what just happened, I sat there for a few seconds as Mel, now more slumped than ever after the impact, continued his labored guttural snoring which by now had become much more irregular.

As I got out of the back seat of the cab, an employee of the library pulled up for work. He came over and helped me lift Mel out of the front seat and onto the ground. Neither of us knew CPR but a policeman pulled up within about a minute. He pulled a defibrillator from his trunk and proceeded to zap Mel several times on the chest, although I had the impression this was the first time the Cop had ever had occasion to use the thing and really wasn't too sure of what he was doing.

Anyway, Old Mel was not looking good at this point. He had stopped making any breathing sounds and had turned a sickly ashen shade. Soon an ambulance arrived and they went to work on him and then hauled him off to the hospital. Shortly after the ambulance pulled out, Mel's wife pulled up, wondering where he was and how he was doing. She mentioned that he had been diagnosed with an aneurysm recently. Mrs. Mel was strangely calm and didn't realize I think how bad off he was, even as she picked up a single shoe of Mel's that had fallen off as we lifted him out of the cab. She soon left to go to the hospital to check on him. I learned later from the police department that Mel didn't make it.

After finishing up answering questions from the cops on the scene, the cab company sent another cab to take me to the train station. The ride was gratis.

I couldn't help but think how the last person Mel saw and spoke to in his life was me...Poor bastard, he probably deserved better than that...Not sure if there is anything to take from this story other than the fact that cabbies with aneurysms maybe shouldn't be driving...

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