Taxi Mark's Life on the Road

Ford system for Twitter: an idea we don't need

2010-02-08T08:57:00.001-07:00

If you think sending text messages from your phone while driving is dumb or dangerous, wait until you hear about the competition.
Ford said last week that it plans to enable people to get their Twitter feeds in the car, right from the driver's seat.
In case you haven't seen it, Twitter is an online messaging system in which people post information and links composed of 140 characters or fewer. It's used for social and professional networking, political organizing, local business outreach, breaking news information, connecting with friends or whatever other form of communication you can think of.

Full Article

Kid fails driving test 5 times in a day

2010-02-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

Super Bowl ad prices fall; still cost millions

2010-02-06T08:52:00.001-07:00

The economic slump has prices for the Super Bowl falling for only the second time in its history. But commercial time during the world’s biggest marketing spectacle is still the most expensive on television.
TNS Media Intelligence reports that 30-second commercials during next month’s Super Bowl on CBS are selling for between $2.5 million and $2.8 million. That’s a drop from last year, when ads averaged $3 million on NBC.
Some big players like PepsiCo and General Motors are staying on the sidelines. Smaller companies like Diamond Foods and Dr Pepper Snapple are advertising. They want to get in front of 100 million viewers practically guaranteed to watch their commercials.

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Weird Traffic Laws That Could Get You A Ticket

2010-02-05T00:08:00.001-07:00

Arizona

- In Glendale, cars are not permitted to be driven in reverse, so make sure you get it right the first time.

Full List

Help slimming down

2010-02-04T00:09:00.000-07:00

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS

2010-02-03T03:21:00.000-07:00

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Parking Fail

2010-02-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

Attn: Idiot in the black Civic Si

2010-02-01T03:17:00.001-07:00

Hey you, driver of the dusty black '99-'00 Civic Si with the requisite fartcan exhaust and riding-on-the-bumpstops stance: What the fuck is your problem?

You know who you are. It was around 3:30 and we were on SW Front Ave / Naito Parkway... you were headed towards Barbur Blvd., and seconds before you made a complete ass of yourself I had merged into the Lake Oswego exit lane in a white Mustang GT.

I'd just like to know why you felt the need to go screaming past me at redline, sounding like a weedwhacker on crack and spewing blue smoke everywhere while you bounced all over the road, just barely staying within your own lane.

Were you trying to impress me with the 'speed' of your little sporty commuter car? Were you trying to piss me off because I choose to drive an American vehicle? Did you just want to get home in a hurry so you could smoke some rocks and jack off to the mental image of me fucking your mom in the ass while your sister cheers me on?

Your moronic act was obviously deliberate... I just don't understand why would anyone whose testicles have dropped would feel the need to try and impress/piss off the driver of another car who hasn't even acknowledged their existence.

I'm sorry I didn't participate in a "mad tyte street race" with you, but even if I wanted to waste my gas beating a puny Civic, I wouldn't endanger myself and everyone else on the road by doing it on a public road in heavy traffic. If that's what you wanted, I will gladly meet you at PIR and embarrass you in front of a crowd. I already know my car is fast, unlike your vehicle it was designed with that purpose in mind, and I don't need to go racing economy cars on the street to prove it.

You are the epitome of an idiot riceboy... not only do you drive like you have zero regard for your health or that of innocent bystanders, but you also fail miserably in modifying your already mediocre car to increase performance. That blue smoke your car pukes out when you hit the gas? Yeah, that's bad. Your engine is either seriously out of tune, or your rings are shot, but most likely both. The extent of which you have lowered your car has not only ruined the handling, but is killing your shocks, and within a few months of bouncing around on cut springs (or possibly $100 generic ebay coilovers set way too low) your 6 year old Honda will have more squeaks and rattles than my 16 year old Ford.

Grow the fuck up. Throw away that The Fast and the Furious DVD you watch three times a day. You are the reason I sold my Integra and 240SX and bought a domestic car... I feel sorry for the few import enthusiasts left out there that actually know their shit and drive like reasonably sane adults, because these days everyone lumps them in the same group with asshat prepubescent boys like yourself.

I know mommy doesn't let you out past 10 on school nights, but please, if you're going to drive like that on public roads, at least have the balls to sneak out and do it at 3 am. That way, when you pilot your little tin can into a brick wall at it's top speed of 115 mph, you will be the only casualty.

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED

2010-01-31T03:16:00.000-07:00

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

Star Wars vs Star Trek - Special Edition

2010-01-30T03:08:00.001-07:00

Dear Mr. FUV driver

2010-01-29T03:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. FUV driver:

Please accept my apologies for not letting you merge into my lane this morning after you tried to get around a line of cars by using the blocked off construction lane. I know your gigantic Suburban is better than my little girly car and can handle that bumpy, stripped road, and that you could have taken off the front end of my Civic for not letting you in, but see, here�s my theory: you already take up too much.

-You take up too much of the road. I know, the lanes should be wider to accommodate you, but they aren�t yet. You take up the entire lane from left to right, and if that isn�t enough, you usually don�t pay attention to your driving, so you take up even more by drifting over at me. Or, you are tailgating me at 80 MPH on the highway to make you move out of your way. So you pretty much already get the majority of the road.

-You take up too much parking space. Your long ass car hangs out into the driving lane. You take forever to park because you can�t maneuver your battleship into the space; if you are conscientious enough to care that you are parked between the lines, or close to the curb, which isn�t the norm. So, you usually take up more than your share of parking spaces by parking like shit. But hey, you are special, and you�ll �only be a minute�. I should be more patient.

-You take up too much of my line of vision. I can�t see around you to see if I can make a left turn; I can�t see around you to see if I should pull into traffic. I can�t see the road ahead of me for your big ass. I�m usually stuck reading the stupid stickers you put on that big ass to announce your alliances. I know I should care about New Trier, or the fact that you are proud of your University of Dayton alumni status, but I really don�t.

-You take up too much gas. I know it�s your right if you can afford to pay for it, but I can�t help feeling sorry for those mothers who are paying for your gas addiction with their sons. I�ll try harder to get over it.

-You take up too much air. I know your FUV is officially categorized by the government as a truck so you don�t have to adhere to regular emissions standards, but it�s my ozone too. And I�d like a few days of summer to be less than 100 degrees, I still like snow in the winter, but hey, I�m selfish that way.

-You take up too much velocity. When you hit me doing your 50 mph, there is no doubt I will die because your two tons of metal will not be slowed significantly by my compact car. I guess I should be grateful that I will go quickly, if not painlessly.

-You take up too many cell phone minutes. Is there some secret FUV club that I am not aware of? Because you are all, always, on your cell phones.

So, Mr. or Ms. FUV driver, if you see me in my little Civic, know that I�m sorry that I don�t let you cut into traffic after driving around those waiting in line. I�m sorry I don�t give you the option at a 4 way stop. I�m sorry if I don�t move out of your way immediately on the highway when you tailgate. I�m sorry I�m not more courteous, because, to me, just the fact that you are driving that thing without a legitimate reason makes you a selfish prick.

New cab driver

2010-01-28T03:03:00.000-07:00

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Another loser in Tucson

2010-01-27T21:52:00.002-07:00

KELVIN J TOBY
DOB 11/1972
1620 N. Wilmot Rd. #E 261
Tucson, AZ. 85712
(520) 301-0057

C06411748 1 LIQ IN VEH PASSENGER POSSESS
C06768609 1 DUI LIQUOR/DRUGS/VAPORS 1ST
C06768609 2 DUI LIQUOR BAC .08 OR MORE 1ST
C06768609 3 DUI EXTREME BAC .15 OR MORE 1ST
C06795253 1 NO CURRENT REGISTRATION
C11502895 1 LOCAL CHARGE
C11502895 2 LOCAL CHARGE
C11502895 3 LAP AND SHOULDER BELTS REQUIRED
C11502895 4 NO LEGIBLE DRIVER LICENSE IN POSSESSION

After keeping me waiting for 5 mins, comes down with two girls and a 5 year old boy. Wants to go to circle k and come back. On the ride back his son is counting off the meter. Classy Kelvin tells his son, "Yeah its high cuz he didn't turn the meter off at the store. Its because he's a jew."
I drove off without him paying. What a winner.

DC Cab Tribute

2010-01-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Rants from a UPS driver

2010-01-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

Before i started this job I thought I was a pretty normal person and your avg. person in DC had common sense. Damn if I wasn't wrong on that one. Now mind you the avg home price where i deliver is $750,000+. Here are a few tips to get your shit to you, not get ran the hell over, and not get cursed out by a driver wearing a shit brown uniform.

* Put fucking numbers on your house. How hard is that? I know your college educated. How fucking hard is it to post numbers. Hire someone hell hire me to put em up. And I understand your shit may be getting remodeled. Grab one of those big ass pieces of ply-wood spray some numbers on it and stick it in the front yard.

* Illuminate the fucking lights. Go stand in the middle of the street at night and see if you can see your house numbers. If you cant see them or have to search to find them how in the fuck do you think I can see them?????

* If you see my big ass truck driving down a narrow two way street with cars parked on both sides I PROMISE you you cannot get buy. Not even in a mini cooper on two wheels.

* If you come out and see that your side view mirror is ripped off dont automatically assume it was me. It was probaly the asshole trying to squeeze by me.

* Honking your horn is not going to move my truck. I assure you I already know I'm blocking your path and you blowing your horn constantly is only going to piss me off which in turn is only going to make me take longer to piss you off.

* If you ordered huge shit from pottery barn, west elm, ikea, or overstock.com and I'm nice enough to bring it in your house b/c your weak, old, with child, have broken limb or just plain fucking lazy dont tip me a fucking dollar an think anything else is going to make it to your house on 1st attempt or in one piece.

* Dont bitch because I threw your landsend or j crew package to your door. Its only a fucking shirt calm your nerves.

* Dont tell me you damn life story unless your paying me to listen. I am on a time line. Shut up and just sign.

* Lock up your dog/cat/bad ass kid or whatever else is wild behind your door. If it comes at me I will fuck it up with whatever I can get my hands on to defend myself.

* And dont try to jump in my shit about a package that UPS lost somewhere in transition. I am only a driver I only deliver what they put on my truck. I have not been a driver my whole life and dont think this brown uniform will stop you from getting your ass kicked

* And always remember my truck is bigger than your vehicle. Its raggedy as hell and DOES NOT STOP ON A DIME and never will. Dont cut me off or ride your bike in my path or think you can beat me across the street. I promise you will end up the loser guaranteed

Little Johnny

2010-01-25T02:57:00.000-07:00

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

You talkin' to ME?!? - A cabbie's RANT

2010-01-24T03:14:00.000-07:00

It�s inevitable. At some point in your life, you�re going to take a taxi somewhere. Maybe only once, to the airport, say, because the friend who was supposed to take you flaked out at the last minute. Perhaps you�ll take taxis frequently because the bus doesn�t run when or where you�d like. If you�ve been unfortunate enough to be caught driving under the influence, they�re no doubt a very important part of your life.

If you�re from a city like New York, you�re probably familiar with the ins and outs of �cabbing it.� However, after driving a cab for one of P-town�s largest cab companies for the last couple of years, I�ve found that Portland residents are not always savvy when it comes to the dos and don�ts of catching a cab. So, as a service to you, my beloved customers, I would like to share with you a little insight that will hopefully make each of our experiences a bit more enjoyable.

First, let�s discuss me, the driver. I�m a businessman (or woman). I�m out here trying to make a living. I�m not running a charity. Please don�t ask for freebies and cut rates. I�m not out here for you. I�m out here for me. Maybe I own my cab, maybe I don�t. It doesn�t matter. Either way, I�m my own boss, more or less. Oh sure, the company I work for would like me to follow certain rules, be nice to the customers, obey the traffic laws, etc. The point is they don�t pay me. I make my money by giving people rides. I pay for the car, the gas, maintenance, and such. I keep all the fares. That�s how it works. The meter is simply a tool to accurately measure the price of my service, per the posted rates. They are always the same and rarely ever change. Whining about the fare isn�t going to make the ride any cheaper. There�s no way for me to make the meter run faster or slower, although there are tricks that some dishonest cabbies will use to run up your fare. Beware of taxi drivers who deliberately try to catch red lights, who sit too long after the light turns green, or who find other ways to delay your trip, including taking the longest or most congested route.

Now let�s discuss you, the passenger. First of all, you need a taxi. So you pick up the phone and call your favorite cab company. This is a good time to turn on your porchlight (if it�s dark outside) and be ready to go. Yes, maybe you�ll have a 15-20 minute wait, but don�t be surprised if we show up in 5. If you�re not ready when we show up, we�re apt to start the meter and charge you for the wait time. Sometimes, however, it may take a lot longer than 15-20 minutes. Please be patient, especially if it�s rush hour. Remember, most of this city�s cabs start their shifts downtown between 4 and 6 am/pm. If you�re in Clackamas, Hillsboro, Vancouver or Tualatin, it�s fair to say that you�re going to have a little bit of a wait. Be patient. We will get to you as soon as we can. In the meantime, if you should happen to find alternative transportation, please call back and let us know. It isn�t the driver�s fault it took so long; please don�t take it out on me. It�s money right out of my pocket every time I chase after a �no-show.� Besides, part of the reason it often takes so long is that we�re chasing after other people who called us and then split.

Oh, and one other thing. DO NOT CALL MORE THAN ONE CAB COMPANY! There is an unwritten agreement with Portland taxi drivers that if more than one of us shows up, we all leave. Not only will you not get a cab, you�ll be blacklisted and will never get another cab again! And don�t think that just because you escaped in the first cab, the second guy�s out of luck. Bathroom breaks are few and some of us have been known to relieve ourselves on your front door. I�m not saying this will happen, only that it could. You have been warned!

If you�re downtown barhopping on the weekend with your friends, calling a cab might not be your best option. In this situation, it might be easier to go outside and hail the first empty cab you see. Do not call a cab and then hail one down. Do one or the other. If you decide to hail a cab, again, be patient. If I don�t stop for you, there�s a good reason. Usually, I already have a passenger and you couldn�t see them in the car (this happens all the time). I might be going after someone who called me on my cell phone. Don�t take it personal. Just keep waving. Be obvious. Eye contact and timidly raising a finger will not get you a cab. Flail your arms or, better yet, use a flashlight. Someone will stop for you soon. If you call a cab from your cell phone while you�re still in the bar, do yourself a favor and LET THE BARTENDER/DOORMAN KNOW! I am not going to wander around the club looking for you and neither are they. Unless you�re waiting outside, you�re probably going to lose your cab!

Once you�ve gotten a cab, let us know where you�re going. This would seem like an obvious thing but you�d be surprised how many times it�s like pulling teeth to get someone to tell you where they wish to go. �Over there� is not a destination! If you have a preferred route, by all means, let me know. Do not, however, start giving me directions by saying, �First, back out of the parking space�� unless you want to find out just how surly I can get. Don�t treat me like an idiot. Chances are, I know this town better than you do and if I�m not familiar with your neighborhood, believe me I�ll ask. Besides, I�m quite often the only sober one in the vehicle. So trust me, would ya?

When you hire a cab, you are hiring the driver. I perform a service, you see. That service is to get you from Point A to Point B, not to put up with your shit. Just because you�ve jumped into my cab does not mean that you own the vehicle. You may not do as you please! I might let you listen to your silly Top 40 radio station, I might not. Either way, the choice is mine. Get over it! My car is my office. It�s my work environment and I spend upwards of 12 hours a day in it. So if I say �No smoking,� that means NO SMOKING! If you cut a nasty fart, you may find yourself walking the rest of the way in the rain! Please, be respectful! Assholes are a dime a dozen and your rude, crude behavior will not be tolerated! If I happen to be a female driver, don�t think you have the right to be disgusting. It takes a special breed of woman to drive a cab and most of the female drivers in this town can, and will, kick your ass if you step out of line!

Once you�ve reached your destination, it�s time to pay your driver. Now is not the time to tell me that all you have is a $100 bill. Believe me, I will keep the meter running while we go find a place to break it! Some cabs take credit cards, some don�t. It�s best to ask this information before you leave, not after you arrive. Should you �suddenly realize� that you don�t have enough cash on you and you need to run in the house to get some, be prepared to leave something of value with me until you get back. Don�t flip me any crap about it either. I know you�re probably a nice person who would never rip anyone off, but so were all the other people who have ripped me off over the years! This is how the game works, just play along! Leave me with your backpack, your cell phone, your jacket, something of value so I don�t think you�re trying to run on me. Trust me, you don�t want me to think you�re running on me! Most cabbies carry some sort of weapon and we HATE being ripped off! Don�t worry, I�m not going to drive off with your �Hello Kitty� backpack. Honestly, I�d really rather have the cash.

This leads us to the topic of tipping (not, as they say, a city in China). YES, it is appropriate to tip your driver! How much? Well, that�s really up to you. The rule of thumb is to tip your cabbie the same as you would tip your bartender (you are tipping your bartender, aren�t you??). For example, let�s say your fare is $15. A tip of $2-4 is adequate. Anything less and you are a cheap bastard. More than that and you�re a Prince among men and/or a Queen among women (or a Queen among men, if you happen to swing that way!). A word of advice, though. Never, EVER say �I�m going to tip you out huge� or some other such nonsense. It�s a statistical fact that 96.3% of people who say this fall into the category of �cheap bastard.� If I think you�re a cheap bastard, I may use one of the above-mentioned tactics to run up your fare. Don�t threaten to tip me, just do it! That goes for your bartender, your tattooist, and your favorite nude dancer as well!

Now a quick word to those who never take cabs, who drive their cars instead, especially in the downtown area. Look folks, it�s simple. When you�re behind a taxicab, it�s like being behind a bus. Expect the vehicle to stop at some point. Do not ride my ass and then, when I stop to pick up a fare, start blaring your horn and flipping me off. You�re only making yourself look like an idiot. Do you do the same thing to busses? Do you tailgate TriMet drivers and scream obscenities at them at every bus stop? No. Then why do it to us? I�m just trying to do my job and sometimes, especially downtown, that job necessitates double parking for a very brief period of time. Sorry if I ruined your whole day.

Taking a cab can actually be a very enjoyable experience, once you understand how the whole process works. If you�re going out for a night on the town, don�t drive � call us! Think of us as a DUI insurance policy. Paying a cabbie $15-20 to get you home is far better than paying the State of Oregon $5000 plus, in addition to losing your license, having your insurance go way up, etc. Not to mention the fact that you may kill or maim yourself or someone else while driving drunk. Not worth it! Park your car and hop in. That�s what we�re here for!

You can save yourself a little bit of money by taking a few friends with you. Sure, it�s a buck extra for each additional passenger (yes, we charge for extra passengers � please don�t act surprised and give me grief about it when we reach your destination!). In the long run, splitting a $20 fare between 4 people makes taking a cab about as cheap as buying that cute blonde at the end of the bar a drink, and if you�re nice I may even give you my phone number, unlike the blonde! You see, many cabbies carry cell phones so our preferred customers can call us directly, without having to call dispatch. Not all cabbies do this but many do. If you like your driver, ask for a card. This is the best way to get a cab, by the way. Get your own personal driver! Keep in mind that I give priority to my �personals,� especially the ones that tip well.

Taxi Driver - You Talkin' me?

2010-01-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

From your pizza delivery girl

2010-01-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

So after about 2 years of being a pizza delivery girl, I�m fed up!

1. First off, lets put in a simple fact: Pizza delivery is considered a hazardous job by the US government. They are third most likely to be murdered on the job, right after police officers and taxi drivers. Myself being a 22 year old female, that risk is approximately 5 times greater. Although I�m not in the US, Canada has plenty of latent axe-wielding maniacs, disgruntled computer geeks that haven�t stepped out of their house in months, crazy cat ladies, pig men, and other potentially dangerous creatures. That brings me to my next point�

2. If I drive 10 km out of town to your trailer park, and you open the door in a sleeveless plaid shirt, and then ask me to come in, don�t get offended if I don�t. Don�t get offended if I take off running either. You might be a decent guy, but I�ve seen enough clich� axe murderer movies to know better.

3. Chances are, though, if you�re the creep in the plaid shirt living in the trailer park, I will probably like you a lot more than that family in the mansion in the most affluent part of town. Because, you, scary redneck friend, are probably going to tip me close to 30% of the order. Whereas foreign mansion family will end up giving me a 20 on a $19.80 order and generously tell me to keep the change. Ever wonder how some people can afford to live in a 6500 sq ft house with a swimming pool? They don�t tip.

4. That brings us to tipping. To the lady that asked me if I was in school, and upon my affirmative reply gave me a quarter, and said �I know how hard it is to be in school and work so hard� � Thanks!! You were pretty young too, and of course living in one of those mansions. I thought you�d know better. To the guy who told me I was really cute for a pizza delivery driver and left me no tip � thanks!! My cuteness won�t pay for nursing school. To the Korean broad that waited for me to count out the nickels and dimes and then got mad because I don�t carry pennies and thus couldn�t give exact change( 3 more cants), who then called my boss and told him she was �lipped off� ( think she meant ripped off) � Fuck you!

5. If you tell me you can�t afford to tip when I get there, you can�t afford delivery.

6. If you can�t afford delivery charges, you can�t afford delivery. To that guy who called the pizza place and asked us to deliver 2 towns over (we�re in Coquitlam, he was in maple ridge) and asked us to take off the delivery charge too because he can�t afford gas for even himself: Fuck you, you selfish prick. Clearly you know the price of gas these days, and you�re probably smart enough to know that the petroleum pixies don�t come and fill my tank every night, so don�t tell me it�s my loss when I refuse to deliver to you.

7. Lets put down some blatant honesty: I�m not hot. I can maybe pull off cute on a good day, so I don�t know why I suddenly transform into a goddess when I come to your door with food. Clearly you�ve been watching way too many pornos.

8. #7 goes double for rainy days. Apparently runny makeup and flat hair mixed with pizza are major turn for the lazy Dom asses of Coquitlam. No I don�t need a towel. No I will not come in to dry off. I can�t give you my number. What? No, really, I�m not into that.

9. Don�t get mad at me if we made a mistake on your pizza. Chances are you knew we were going to make a mistake if you check the pizza at the front door. Also, most of the high school kids I work with don�t have a clue as to what a quadrant is� �I want pineapple in quadrants 1 and 2, and ham in quadrants 1 and 4 and half of quadrant 3 with pepperoni� Gimme a fucking break!! . And who the hell orders pizza in quadrants anyways?

10. Don�t get mad at me if your pizza is 45 minutes late. I was trapped on some guy�s front porch while a bear was sniffing around my car that now permanently smells like a pizza. Yes, a bear. And don�t act surprised, we live in the middle of fucking nowhere. And don�t leave me no tip me because I�m �a liar�. If I wanted to swing by a friend�s house on my way to your place, I�d say I was caught in traffic, or something more believable than a fucking bear!

11. Speaking of traffic� The neighborhood where I work is predominantly foreign (I wont say what nationality but you can probably guess where bad drivers that happen to be non-tippers come from). So if I�m late because a hummer that has �environmental consultants� written on it (ah, how I love clich��s) runs a red and almost kills me, pardon fucking me if I have to pull over for a few minutes to collect myself, thus making your pizza 4 minutes later than the promised time.

Okay, I�m off to work now. Be nice to me!!!

Blind date joke

2010-01-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

We shared a cab, you hit me in the face.

2010-01-20T03:10:00.000-07:00

Hi! I am almost 100% positive you remember me. I was standing in the cab line for about 15 minutes in 1 degree weather, and then you and your girlfriend ran in front of me in the cab line right as my cab, that I had been waiting so long for out in the ball shivering cold, arrived. Now I admit, I am a nice guy, and women get to take advantage of me quite often, but that said I haven't been laid in months, and when that happens, I somehow feel that the goddess of feminine nurture and chivalry can... how do I put this? Suck my six inch piano player. This is the point where I told the cabby what you girls did, and informed him that he was throwing away the very long cab ride to Erie as well as his moral saint 1-month chip. At this point he had the very bad... very bad idea to give me (a drunken narcissist, in the right) a ride with the girls who shunted me most literally to the curb. This is where the sh*t show began. Your friend and you are both very attractive, but nevertheless I have become accustomed to, when necessary, seeing only the ugly souls of the monsters who arrogantly think they can get whatever they want. The cussing, the womanizing, the abuse, the screaming, and everything that ensued for the next 15 minutes, is unlike me. However I was not alone in this endevor, in fact I would go as far as to say that it was YOU two who did most of the screaming, and abusing. Nevertheless I stood up to the both of you. I let you know exactly how sh*tty it was to leave a stranger to freeze for the sake of your own toes. And although I am a tired soul, tired of fighting petty battles with girls, there are times when the wild thing from my youth finds the perfect combination of irritation and gravel to carve a path to the surface and cuss you the f*ck out. So I did. Somewhere along the way you hit me, good and hard across the face for addressing you by your lady parts. I probably deserved it. But even so, when your friend got out of the car, the attitude from the back seat was cut in half. This reduction in calamity is what made me flip around, to see you face to face for the next 10 minute drive to your home, perched on my knees, and just listen. I watched as you blasted me with insults and be-ration, never admitting nor denying that you intended to leave me on the cold cabby curb.Your visage melted from rage into a pool of confusion as I just sat there and listened. By the end, you were reduced to a puddle of tears, and as gratifying as it was, it is these empty moments that remind me why I hush my inner child to sleep, and open the door for you, and hold your purse, and buy you presents, and walk your dog, and keep you warm, and give you kind smiles. When you exited the cab, my body took me over, I hopped out and gave a "Hey!". You turned around, and I threw my arms out. "I'm Sorry!". You sheepishly just looked to me, and through the tears came a genuine moment. A deep smile. Full of the confusion and joy that comes with being twenty-something. I just wanted to say I appreciated that smile. In it, you told me that you were okay, that we are only human, that you value people over right and wrong. Expect to have a beer on me if I ever see you again.....

Elmo six minutes in Vision Quest

2010-01-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

Tucson Life and Times of an American City

2010-01-18T01:30:00.000-07:00

Collateral Movie Trailer Taxi Driver movie

2010-01-17T08:46:00.001-07:00

Two girls and their "Dad"

2010-01-16T14:23:00.002-07:00

Have a pick up at the Valero/Shamrock at Craycroft and 29th. It is an older guy putting two teenage girls in the cab saying they are going back to their Moms. Said they will go in and get money when they get there. They skip out at an apartment complex at 4th and 22nd.

Vanessa
505 429 8309

Please call or text this stealing little girl and tell her she sucks!