Taxi Mark's Life on the Road

Angel of Death takes a cab

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:57:00 +0000

DC Cab - Tyrone and Albert do The Run!

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 10:42:00 +0000

Stripper and Cabbies

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 07:42:00 +0000

Both handle lots of dollar bills

As good as it looks from the outside, once you get in there it stinks

After years of work both the stripper and the cab have visible marks and scratches all over
New cabs have no stickers on them, gradually over time they add a sticker here and a sticker there, kinda like strippers do with tattoos

Cabs with bigger cars can make more money just like strippers with bigger cans

Both are more than happy to share their phone number

Putting your package in the back in not a problem

Accidents happen in both of them

Both tell stories about the famous people who were inside them

Tucson Yelp

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 10:18:00 +0000

Great website with reviews of everything in different cities.

Tucson YELP

Grant widening to start in 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:34:00 +0000

The five-mile, $167 million Grant Road widening project will start in 2011, two years ahead of schedule and be completed in six phases, the city announced Thursday.
The widening runs from North Oracle Road to North Swan Road and will expand the road to three lanes in each direction. Bike lanes and bus pullouts are also planned.
It is one of the largest road projects in the Regional Transportation Plan voters approved in 2006. The city has decided to split the project into six smaller segments, each with its own schedule.

Full Story

Dear Cabby

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:33:00 +0000

Dear Cabby,
I was going out with this guy and he dumped me. It has been six monthes amd I can't stop think about him. I still have a major cruch on him. What should i do?
Thanks-
Kristen

Hello Kristen,
And, I'll bet this guy hasn't thought about you once in that six month period.
Write 500 times: It's Over. He doesn't care about me. It's time for me to Get A New Life.
If that doesn't work: Enter a 12 step program.

MLK
NYCabbie

All Q and A's

10 tangible things each of YOU can do to make traffic better

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:21:00 +0000

Yeah, you could ride transit or carpool or bike, but that's not gonna happen, so here are easy things you can actually do.

All of these fit a theme. Which is: It's not all about YOU out there. You are part of a collective. If everyone did these unselfish things, traffic would be much better:

1. Don't tailgate. When you tailgate, you have to tap your brakes at the slightest speed change. You tap for a second, the guy behind you taps for two, the guy behind him for four, and so forth. Ripple effect that equals slowdown.

2. Use onramps correctly. ACCELERATE! Get up to a speed that matches overall traffic, then merge seamlessly. Too many people here merge into 60 mph traffic at 40 mph. People hit their brakes, and again you get a ripple effect.

3. Honor the left lane. Move over when not overtaking cars. Yes, we've talked this one to death. Just do it.

4. Pick a lane and try to stick with it. Incessant lane changes for little real gain can cause slowdowns for much the same reason as the onramp example above. Think ahead: Will the lane you're in peter out soon, or turn into an exit-only lane? Get yourself in one that will see you through to your destination.

5. At stoplights, pay attention. If you're first in line waiting at a light, be sure you're pulled up far enough, as someone here already noted. Then PAY ATTENTION! Watch the light. When it changes, go! Driving is war, and you've got the point -- so stay alert! That goes for everyone in the back of the line too, but we have way too many people at the front who use stoplight time to apply makeup, read the paper, change the radio station or eat french fries off their car's floor.

6. Step on it. If traffic's going 60 in your lane, why aren't you keeping up with the guy ahead of you? Why do you feel the need to go 57? Again, you're part of a collective out there. Join in, please.

7. Don't go so fast you get pulled over. Because every time someone gets pulled over, it gums up traffic for the rest of us. People rubberneck and irrationally brake (like the trooper's gonna drop you to go after them), and the aforementioned ripple effect ensues. So drive briskly, but don't risk a ticket. If you're going over 70 in a 60 mph zone, you're risking it.

8. Look way down the road. I get on I-5 northbound everyday from Fairview at Mercer. Two lanes from Fairview are onramp only. Invariably someone is sitting in the middle, onramp-only lane who wants to go straight. And he just sits there, and people are stuck behind him. It happens at every signal, because the mope didn't READ THE SIGNS. Look ahead. Look far ahead. Look way past that big hurkin' SUV you're behind, if you can. The sooner you see signs and the sooner you see trouble, the sooner you can avoid messing up in a way that affects the rest of us.

9. Live the golden rule. Let people in. Wave when someone lets you in. I wish I had a buck for every time I've signaled to enter a gap in a lane, and the car that's far back in that lane guns it to try to keep me from moving over. No wait, I don't wish I had a buck, I wish I had his head on a pike. But you've gotta check that impulse too. Do unto others ... you know.

10. Devote yourself to the task. This is covered in many of the points above, but driving is not simply something you do to pass the time while listening to the radio. Driving is the all-consuming task at hand.

So DO it -- briskly, efficiently and competently. So that we can all get out of each other's way.

Thank you.

Man driving 75 mph while reading novel

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:26:00 +0000

Cheap Trick - The Flame

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 10:50:00 +0000

From the Pizza Delivery Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 16:18:00 +0000

It was cold, it was dark, the roads were a little icy. I don't blame you for ordering a pizza for delivery tonight. Nice choice.

I'm the lucky one that got the ticket to deliver your pizza. Customer service told you it would be at your door in 30 minutes, I noticed that I was walking out the door with your hot from the oven pizza at the 35 minute mark. That happens sometimes, we get a little behind, especially when Monday Night Football is on.

So I show up at your door about 10 minutes late for the 30 minute promise. You didn't seem upset by it being late, and the transaction continued. I politely told you the total was $29, you handed me $30, a $20 and a $10. I paused for a second, waiting for the customary "keep the change", or "thanks, drive safe", or even a silent shutting of the door. But not from you: you just stood there, not asking for your change, but making it perfectly clear that you were waiting for something. So I said, "Would you like your change?", to which you didn't reply, just kept standing there, so I dug into my pocket and found a single dollar bill, which I promptly handed to you. I think the next and last thing I said to you was, "Enjoy your Pizza", and this is where I was expecting you to finally, mercifully, shut the door and go back to your life and I would go back to mine. But no, you weren't done yet. If you had been done, I wouldn't have remembered you, I would have written you off like countless other snobby, cheap people that don't feel that there is any value added in the act of me driving all the way to your warm, comfortable home so you don't have to. But you had one final act for me; a smirk, which I roughly translated to mean "I'm better than you, you penny groveling, minimum wage earning scum, you should be thankful that I graced you with my presence at my door for this brief interlude, now go away"

So, young lady that lives in a beautiful home on Eagle River Road not far from Wal-Mart who doesn't tip the Pizza Guy, I have a few nuggets of information for you to consider before you interact with another delivery driver:

1. If you had in fact given me the whole $1.00 change from your $29.00 order, that would have been a 3.4% tip; a small tip, but at least it's something.

2. If you had waited at the door just a little longer, or asked for it, I would have been happy to give you the penny (your order was in fact 28.99 and I only gave you one dollar back, I still owe you a penny).

3. Incidentally, 1 penny for a $28.99 order amounts to a .0034% tip.

4. Most delivery drivers make minimum wage (myself included). I also get $1.50 per delivery from my employer to offset operating expenses of my vehicle. With fuel more than $3/gallon, I can at best expect to break even with this delivery fee. We as delivery drivers actually expect to make the largest portion of our income from our tips. Considering where your beautiful home is in relation to the pizza restaurant in question, I probably lost money delivering your hot, fresh pizza to you tonight.

5. On a given night, I expect to not get a tip on 20% of my deliveries. I find it most interesting that my most generous tippers live in mobile home courts, apartment complexes, and older, more established single family home neighborhoods. Upscale neighborhoods with manicured shrubbery and BMWs in the driveway, not so much.

6. Military members are the exception to this "housing determines tipping" theory. If I see a military sticker in the window of a car in the driveway, I am never disappointed. Apartment or mansion, those who serve a greater cause are very generous to those that serve pizza to their door.

Oh and about the penny that I still owe you. You apparently need the money much more than I do (first and foremost, I'm active duty military, which as everybody knows, pays extremely well. I only deliver pizza for the fun of it, not to make ends meet like you might expect). Please reply to this post and I'll be happy to personally deliver you one shiny penny.

Have a nice day,
Your Friendly Eagle River Pizza Delivery Guy

HOW SAFE IS TAXI DRIVING FOR WOMEN?

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:27:00 +0000

I have been a cab driver for three years. My training consisted of riding around for a couple of hours with another driver - the 'trainer'. I didn't feel that this was sufficient, so I rode with a couple of other drivers as well. I didn't have any preconceived ideas of what to expect as a cab driver other than that I expected to be treated politely and I treated my passengers and co-workers the same way.

If a passenger touched me, I slammed on the brakes and demanded an apology. As I recall, it happened twice and both were drunks. The first one I put out on the curb and his trip finished very short. The second arrived at his destination full of remorse. Both times I got my apology and I also got paid for the rides. I do not permit my passengers to be offensive.

When asked about my personal life, I answered briefly and asked the same question of them. For example: “Do you have a family?” “Well, yes I do. How about you?” “Are you married?” “Any children?” “Do you ever shop at K-Mart?” “Where did you get that cool tattoo?”

Full Article

Man Driving a Half Car !!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:24:00 +0000

To the lady downtown who yelled "Where's the Aloha?!!"

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:15:00 +0000

Dear local asian lady with the angry mask of hate and rage on her face (@7a.m. Nuuanu Ave downtown 6-1-09). Sorry I didn't let you pull into my lane and occupy the same space as I was. Truth be told I was under the strange misconception that two objects of relatively equal weight and mass cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Stupid me. To really nail it down, though- had you signaled I might have been able to guess your intention without actually having to read your mind. Lots of drivers these days aren't psychic, and I know that signal lever is heavy for your pudgy paw to move so early in the morning (though you seem to be able to give me the pudgy finger pretty deftly.)

The part that really cracked me up was when you rolled down your window and leaned out of the window opening, your face a veritable gargoyle, teeth bared as you roared, "Hey! Where's da Aloha?!!" Let me tell you- I'm certain that when the ancient Polynesians coined the term "Aloha" they were thinking of you driving your car into me without signaling- I'm almost certain of it.

I apologize for not letting you in to turn into the Heco building- I assume your place of work- but honestly I didn't see you, as I tried to tell you while you continued to scream epithets and flip me off. Here's a few pointers for you:

a) don't look for "da Aloha" during rush hour downtown. It may be there, but chances are everyone is somewhere between sleepy and brain dead, swilling coffee and navigating traffic and not really super focused on philanthropy, which generally sleeps until 9.

b) Although it creates an artistic example of juxtaposition, flipping someone off and asking "Where's Da Aloha" seems sort of ludicrous.

c) Signal your turns. Duh.

d) you're da local- I'm (to coin your oh-so-eloquent verbiage) da "f#*kin' haole". If YOU'RE asking ME where da Aloha is, we're all in worse trouble than we thought.

And finally- I'm sure you're somebody's wife or tutu or auntie or cousin- I'm practically certain there might be someone at home who loves you and wants you to get to and from work safely and home for dinner. Perhaps starting fights in traffic with burly out of work construction workers on their way to the unemployment office isn't the best way to assure your safe passage. Just a thought.

But cest la vie- shikata ga nie- the bridge is under the proverbial water. Aloha and have a great day!

Taxi: Reverend Jim's driving test

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:03:00 +0000

Ford system for Twitter: an idea we don't need

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:57:00 +0000

If you think sending text messages from your phone while driving is dumb or dangerous, wait until you hear about the competition.
Ford said last week that it plans to enable people to get their Twitter feeds in the car, right from the driver's seat.
In case you haven't seen it, Twitter is an online messaging system in which people post information and links composed of 140 characters or fewer. It's used for social and professional networking, political organizing, local business outreach, breaking news information, connecting with friends or whatever other form of communication you can think of.

Full Article

Kid fails driving test 5 times in a day

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 16:01:00 +0000

Super Bowl ad prices fall; still cost millions

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 15:52:00 +0000

The economic slump has prices for the Super Bowl falling for only the second time in its history. But commercial time during the world’s biggest marketing spectacle is still the most expensive on television.
TNS Media Intelligence reports that 30-second commercials during next month’s Super Bowl on CBS are selling for between $2.5 million and $2.8 million. That’s a drop from last year, when ads averaged $3 million on NBC.
Some big players like PepsiCo and General Motors are staying on the sidelines. Smaller companies like Diamond Foods and Dr Pepper Snapple are advertising. They want to get in front of 100 million viewers practically guaranteed to watch their commercials.

Full Article

Weird Traffic Laws That Could Get You A Ticket

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 07:08:00 +0000

Arizona

- In Glendale, cars are not permitted to be driven in reverse, so make sure you get it right the first time.

Full List

Help slimming down

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 07:09:00 +0000

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:21:00 +0000

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Parking Fail

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 10:20:00 +0000

Attn: Idiot in the black Civic Si

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 10:17:00 +0000

Hey you, driver of the dusty black '99-'00 Civic Si with the requisite fartcan exhaust and riding-on-the-bumpstops stance: What the fuck is your problem?

You know who you are. It was around 3:30 and we were on SW Front Ave / Naito Parkway... you were headed towards Barbur Blvd., and seconds before you made a complete ass of yourself I had merged into the Lake Oswego exit lane in a white Mustang GT.

I'd just like to know why you felt the need to go screaming past me at redline, sounding like a weedwhacker on crack and spewing blue smoke everywhere while you bounced all over the road, just barely staying within your own lane.

Were you trying to impress me with the 'speed' of your little sporty commuter car? Were you trying to piss me off because I choose to drive an American vehicle? Did you just want to get home in a hurry so you could smoke some rocks and jack off to the mental image of me fucking your mom in the ass while your sister cheers me on?

Your moronic act was obviously deliberate... I just don't understand why would anyone whose testicles have dropped would feel the need to try and impress/piss off the driver of another car who hasn't even acknowledged their existence.

I'm sorry I didn't participate in a "mad tyte street race" with you, but even if I wanted to waste my gas beating a puny Civic, I wouldn't endanger myself and everyone else on the road by doing it on a public road in heavy traffic. If that's what you wanted, I will gladly meet you at PIR and embarrass you in front of a crowd. I already know my car is fast, unlike your vehicle it was designed with that purpose in mind, and I don't need to go racing economy cars on the street to prove it.

You are the epitome of an idiot riceboy... not only do you drive like you have zero regard for your health or that of innocent bystanders, but you also fail miserably in modifying your already mediocre car to increase performance. That blue smoke your car pukes out when you hit the gas? Yeah, that's bad. Your engine is either seriously out of tune, or your rings are shot, but most likely both. The extent of which you have lowered your car has not only ruined the handling, but is killing your shocks, and within a few months of bouncing around on cut springs (or possibly $100 generic ebay coilovers set way too low) your 6 year old Honda will have more squeaks and rattles than my 16 year old Ford.

Grow the fuck up. Throw away that The Fast and the Furious DVD you watch three times a day. You are the reason I sold my Integra and 240SX and bought a domestic car... I feel sorry for the few import enthusiasts left out there that actually know their shit and drive like reasonably sane adults, because these days everyone lumps them in the same group with asshat prepubescent boys like yourself.

I know mommy doesn't let you out past 10 on school nights, but please, if you're going to drive like that on public roads, at least have the balls to sneak out and do it at 3 am. That way, when you pilot your little tin can into a brick wall at it's top speed of 115 mph, you will be the only casualty.

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 10:16:00 +0000

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

Star Wars vs Star Trek - Special Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 10:08:00 +0000

Dear Mr. FUV driver

noreply@blogger.com (Taxi Mark) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 10:06:00 +0000

Dear Mr. FUV driver:

Please accept my apologies for not letting you merge into my lane this morning after you tried to get around a line of cars by using the blocked off construction lane. I know your gigantic Suburban is better than my little girly car and can handle that bumpy, stripped road, and that you could have taken off the front end of my Civic for not letting you in, but see, here�s my theory: you already take up too much.

-You take up too much of the road. I know, the lanes should be wider to accommodate you, but they aren�t yet. You take up the entire lane from left to right, and if that isn�t enough, you usually don�t pay attention to your driving, so you take up even more by drifting over at me. Or, you are tailgating me at 80 MPH on the highway to make you move out of your way. So you pretty much already get the majority of the road.

-You take up too much parking space. Your long ass car hangs out into the driving lane. You take forever to park because you can�t maneuver your battleship into the space; if you are conscientious enough to care that you are parked between the lines, or close to the curb, which isn�t the norm. So, you usually take up more than your share of parking spaces by parking like shit. But hey, you are special, and you�ll �only be a minute�. I should be more patient.

-You take up too much of my line of vision. I can�t see around you to see if I can make a left turn; I can�t see around you to see if I should pull into traffic. I can�t see the road ahead of me for your big ass. I�m usually stuck reading the stupid stickers you put on that big ass to announce your alliances. I know I should care about New Trier, or the fact that you are proud of your University of Dayton alumni status, but I really don�t.

-You take up too much gas. I know it�s your right if you can afford to pay for it, but I can�t help feeling sorry for those mothers who are paying for your gas addiction with their sons. I�ll try harder to get over it.

-You take up too much air. I know your FUV is officially categorized by the government as a truck so you don�t have to adhere to regular emissions standards, but it�s my ozone too. And I�d like a few days of summer to be less than 100 degrees, I still like snow in the winter, but hey, I�m selfish that way.

-You take up too much velocity. When you hit me doing your 50 mph, there is no doubt I will die because your two tons of metal will not be slowed significantly by my compact car. I guess I should be grateful that I will go quickly, if not painlessly.

-You take up too many cell phone minutes. Is there some secret FUV club that I am not aware of? Because you are all, always, on your cell phones.

So, Mr. or Ms. FUV driver, if you see me in my little Civic, know that I�m sorry that I don�t let you cut into traffic after driving around those waiting in line. I�m sorry I don�t give you the option at a 4 way stop. I�m sorry if I don�t move out of your way immediately on the highway when you tailgate. I�m sorry I�m not more courteous, because, to me, just the fact that you are driving that thing without a legitimate reason makes you a selfish prick.